Dad and I were on a road trip in Kentucky. I showed him the mile markers that didn't go in order. A couple drove by us and Dad said they were the ones who let us use their cabin in colorado on a windy night.
I was working as a floral arranger in the mall. I was talking about Caryn's four children (Nathan, Inga, Sarah, and someone else) with her nanny, primarily about not switching Nathan to a different school because he'd think he was moved because he was too stupid. The other son needed that though. I also told her that Nathan was tired of getting a present that was just a step (like a computer book) instead of the whole thing (the computer and a book). Then Jon bounded into the store with the combination broadway musical and goosestep movement that's entirely his own. He saw me and nearly started to run. Matt came in at the same time. By the time they both got to me, I was on the phone answering someone else's questions. I waited on Jon first--Matt wasn't there to buy anything. Jon wanted long purple trumpeting flowers in his arrangement and one bright pink one. Matt eventually came behind the counter and took over, saying "I work here too." Jon had brought a twelve year old boy with a Gameboy printer to print off his card and seal the gift envelope. While Matt helped him, I had to help this girl cut out pictures for her cassette tape liner notes. Matt, Jon, and I went out in the mall and it started to snow. Bill Clinton was laying on a square bench around the trunk of a peach tree. He was babbling about his favorite southern recipes. That night Matt and I had pumpkin soup in a sugary pastry crust. "I bet you're not going to give me my flowers," I said, convinced that Jon was going to give me the flowers and that's why he couldn't tell me what to write on the card. So Matt and I fought over whether the flowers were mine or not.
I was on a roadtrip with Mom. I lived in an apartment that hung over the road, so I pretended that cars were crashing into my house. I took War Machine (Matt's Suburban) to an Arkansas wedding portrait store and it was robbed. Mom and I were going to fly to Boston, but it was hailing and the air was so dense that the hail couldn't even fall: it was just suspended in the air. At the restaurant, the waitress said I "was supposed to get mesh in your baked potato" and started digging through it. I slapped her hand away and told her that it was my potato, mesh or not, and I was going to take it home in a box until she touched it. Then Mom and I went on spinny rides.
I accidentally hung up a naked poster of Britney Spears in my office at work. She was wearing a cupless bra and holding a teddy bear between her breasts. She also had a penis and ugly legs. Once I realized how grotesque it was, I stapled a Chicago t-shirt over it just before Howard came in with the mail. He threw down the mail and said, "Caryn's getting her master's degree." I pointed at the door to the metals studio and said I was going to make it metal and cover it with magnets from Arkansas. "Ugh," he said, "I hate those." Stephanie then came in and tried to cut up her Columbia House Play card.
I had a big, long, involved dream about Gene and Randy throwing a party. It started to snow. Someone couldn't stop talking about my Saturn having low air in its tires. I ate a lot of ice cream there and washed the ketchup off my hands.
Grandma stopped by for a visit. We exchanged pleasantries, like "How are you?" "Fine, how are you?" She was wearing a lavender shirt and lemon yellow shorts. I only started crying when we both got on the phone and I kept asking Mom, "Can you hear her? She's here."
Kathleen and I went in the petites door on the east side of J.C. Penney's at Towne East. We shopped for clothes briefly, Kat deciding to wear a suit. These old guys were all dancing around us in slow, arthritic motions. As Kat walked by two Arab men, they did the macho head nod thing. As I followed her, I kept chasing after her saying, "I have a suit at home." We then saw two boys fighting, then we pointed out how they were both wearing orange. We asked if there was a pumpkin fad going on, pretending that we didn't know that Halloween was coming. I asked if it was like Pac-Man or Garbage Pail Kids. They just stared at me. Then we saw George W. Bush (Dubya) on the floor. He was in prime form, explaining to us that, although he found our young, nubile bodies attractive, he didn't think of them sexually. Instead, he thought about us "merging," but he also said he "wouldn't say that." We went out and watched a failed attempt to have people chant "from Wichita to across the nation." The security guard spoke too slowly. I then decided to ask for Dubya's autograph. When we got back in the store, he was gone. Kat started looking at jewelry cases filled with Happy Meal toys. Then another Kathleen (redhead, not blonde) got in blonde Kathleen's way. Once "now Kat" and I got in the way of "then Kat" and a bunch of mean glares were exchanged, I mentioned that there's one reason to avoid cloning: more competition for the stuff you want. Kat just said, "well, that was weird."
We then went outside (which was the Peterson playground), and all the Designing Women were throwing punches. Nancy L. picked my pocket when she hugged me, so I playfully slugged her and she gave it back to me. I found Barb and we went through her school notebook: she had a Franklin Spelling Ace, calculator, cd player, etc. Her car stereo handbook had her name (which was Violet in the dream) printed in the text. "Must be nice," I mentioned.
I owned a museum of presidential weight loss memorabilia (but no Martin Van Buren stuff).
I had a Little Tykes car and I went to WSU for some reason. I drove it too near the mound of hospital ID bracelets and thumb tacks, thus getting a flat tire. I folded the thin rubber tire and put it in my pocket. Then I remembered that Little Tykes cars should have solid plastic wheels.
I was swimming in a pool with Meegan and several others. When the ringleader woman cut open an orange, it was filled with bugs. Eventually, we were surrounded by bugs.
Kathleen had moved to an 2-bed/2-bath apartment so I could move in with her. I was in Newton explaining it all to Mom; Dad was taking a long bath upstairs and Grandpa was taking a long bath downstairs. There was Hi-C and Coca Cola on the table. I decided to wait and take a long bath before I left.
Somehow I knew that the guy from Letterman who always sings "who let the dogs out" was trying to kill me. And I knew that a woman named Ann Watson was also going to be killed.
I saw that guy (Alan?) following me, so I stopped in this parking lot near a huge, glistening, mirror-covered church. I jumped out of the car and threw my Pokemon backpack at the car, but it went up instead of sideways. Alan opened his passenger side window and started screaming at me. By this time I was flat on the concrete.
I got up while Alan was backing up to run over me, and I ran into this run-down building across the street from the church. I ran down to the basement and found a note from Ann written on the door and found her inside. We then heard creaks upstairs. I left her there (she was too scared to move) and went upstairs. I didn't find anything, so I ran outside. It was now dark and I think I was in Memphis. There were two black kids with bandanas over their mouths and black knit hats. They were coming for me, so I ran up to them and hit them with my taser. I then ran up the street and went further west, then north. I found a hollowed out, burnt version of Graceland. Some bystander told me it was going to become an orphanage. I told him Elvis would have wanted it that way.
***
I was at the Center on the concrete in front of Studio 3 talking with Anne Coffin about different ways to enroll when all the old MFA crew came out. Everyone hushed when we started talking about Elizabeth getting a new perm.
I went to some store. I was wearing my sheriff's hat. They then accused me of stealing it since they sold the same hat. I told them that I didn't take it, that I had bought it on Beale Street, but they didn't believe me.
Jon J. cut out a big root from an old tree and hoped the whole row wouldn't die.
Something about an art sale.
"When you're on stage, what is your audience thinking about? Christina Aquilera . . . or dirty dishes?"
Kathleen and I moved twin beds into my office. We arrived for "work" at 8:30 and promptly went to sleep. Barbara woke us up at 10:30 by yelling in the hallway, "whose voice is that?" I told her it was Linden's. I went back to sleep for fifteen minutes and then she woke me up with yelling again: "It was Linden. thanks."
I went back to Graceland with Amanda, Mike, etc. I just went to the Sincerely Elvis museum.
Matt was worried that his family didn't love him. I stopped speaking to him in a separate dream when he started rolling a joint in front of me. We were on some sort of road trip.
I was in a bookstore looking at a catalog full of stock images. A creepy guy kept asking questions about what was in the book.
Political pundits were talking about President Clinton.
Bill Press was talking about whether, assuming equal square footage, it would cost more to heat a house of several small rooms or a house with a few large rooms.
Someone pushed down Dad in a crowded hallway. We were packed in tight, "like spices in a rack," I said. Mom, Dad and I earlier had driven around in the dark. We had walked through an extrememly fancy hotel lobby.
Craig Kilborn was playing Elvis in a made-for-TV movie.
Some guys were throwing old cars in the air.
Jake and I were going to Dallas overnight. He was hanging out with Stephanie McD and realized she was too "tedious." I told him that's why my high school was so difficult.
David and I were looking at old National Geographics. We looked at a Columbia House thing with 8-track cartridges and Beta videos. I pointed at the Rollerball Beta video and commented, "I have that."
I was watching an Airport movie from the roof of the Casablanca in The Cat Who Lived High by Lillian Jackson Braun. A plane went down head first right over the edge on the train tracks. I could feel the blast of the explosion and almost got hit by fallout. I thought to myself: this is the best special effects ever. Later, Matt and I were driving along the old trolley tracks. Olga crossed the street, so I knew she was okay.
I dreamt Jake was living in my closet on Summitlawn.
I went into a huge auditorium and kept going to the second auditorium. I sat near Tom. i'm sure Jon was there, but I think he was asleep. Wyant sat on the steps underneath me. I looked at Tom and said, "I'm gonna sit here unless you have some restraining order against me." He just stared at me.
Dad and I were at Devil's Tower.
I was sitting alone at night in my office at work and heard a voice come over the intercom: "There is an intruder on the grounds. If this is not corrected within fifteen minutes, the police will be called."
Jon wrote a book in which he called me an "uncultured gorilla" in the first chapter. I laughed about it and told Kathleen that he'd fall in love with me by the end of the book: I've seen enough Elvis movies to know how the story ends.
We had ants coming into the Summitlawn house in the bathroom. Mom and I watched the albino spiders trap them up in webs. I told Mom not to touch the albino spiders.
I was giving someone a note to take to the Graingers to let them know I was doing fine. The guy asked, "Do you have a birthday or something?" I said that I did, but that's unrelated.
I was proofreading Tucker Carlson's homework in the writing center. Then I got involved in a whole mess about turning in MFA conference sheets to the creative writing director. Some adjunct faculty were going to the conference, but needed to fill out forms and hand them to "Tina." I kept telling them that I was MA and didn't know anything about MFA stuff. Then Davis came up and told me that he'd be controling even more of the assigning process, including which readings to assign. I hid in my cowboy hat, then went in his office to quit. But there were only unmade beds everywhere I looked. I left.
I was going to a concert or something, but we all had to line up for the bathroom at once. Some guy pulled me into the men's line and said it'd be quicker, even though the line was twice as long. Mom saw him with his arm around me and shot me a disapproving look.
Kathleen and I ran out of the men's bathroom.
I got a metal Graceland lunch box. The front had the Jungle Room; the back had the Gates and estate view. Little pictures of the other rooms were around the sides of the box.
Dave Foley and a bunch of other people went to Harrison, Arkansas, and got spider/ant bites in a grid pattern.
I saw Amy, my dead siamese cat, laying on her back on a sunny day, shaded by the marble base of the square coffeetable.
I was trapped in an Elvis museum without an exit.
Elvis was giving me a tour of Graceland including the bathrooms. It was the old, fat Elvis. We went in one bathroom covered entirely in brown carpet. Elvis said, "This is the bathroom, but not the one I died in."
There was a fire at an Elvis museum.
Mom and i were going to a bridge museum in Winfield.
I left Wal-Mart and ran into Phillip G. and Abby P. They were married. They asked me how I was doing: I told them about my MA and Abby hugged me. Matt C. came up and laughed at my Winnie the Pooh shoes and pajamas with Scooby socks. I then shot him with a water pistol and Matt pretended to die. I then went downstairs to babysit four kids, including a kid wearing a t-shirt that said: "God loves me: I met Elvis!"
Maria had built a shrine to some guy's uncle on a fence behind a Dairy Queen. The guy whose uncle was on the fence came to visit. I told him that I hoped he had no questions because I had nothing to do with it.
Caryn called me into her office and gave me a whole list of people who were upset with me for leaving (Center-students type people). I was expecting a list of bad credit cards.
I left my porch light on because I wanted Matt to come over.
I bought some weird thing, like a figurine in a vase. The salespeople were telling me that I could easily make a bong out of it. I told them I didn't care what I could do with it: it was a weird little figurine in a glass case and I was just going to keep it. I was also intrigued by "clip strips," strips of clip art for cafes--signs that said "today's special," etc.
Johnny Knoxville was going to make me ice cream. I couldn't decide on a flavor. "I can make you anything," he asserted. I chose nutmeg.
I went to Johnny Knoxville's garage sale. His mom wouldn't come down on any of the prices. I went into his bedroom. On the walls were 8x11" black and white glossy photos of local celebrities (anchorpersons, etc.) and Johnny. I also learned from various autographs that his real name was Jakob Crockett. He had a stolen motel TV on a stand too.
I dreamt that there was a street named "Whore" in Paducah, Kentucky.
I had to fill out a questionaire about "Do you know who your Arts Partner representative is?" I couldn't remember Nancy's last name.
Paul Herrington was night staff--I saw him come through the office/gallery door haloed in light. I was going to put my ice cream in the vault's freezer, but David was deep in conversation and blocking the door. I put it in the kitchen. Gene was building a Times Square display out of books and moving lights. I came up with the Christmas light snake, a black sock-like thing that would hide wires and dim Christmas lights.