I called Grandma out of habit to tell her how had it was to lose her. Then, once I heard her voice, I realized that I couldn’t tell her because she was the one dying. She said, “I’m always here for you. You know this. I’m sorry.”

Although I say I’m doing fine, sometimes I wonder.

Another dream from the great hospital stay, although this one happened at home.

I dreamt that Grandma sat up in her hospital bed, turned the dials of her pain killer (although it was my mom’s hand with her rings) and said, “I wish I didn’t hurt so you guys wouldn’t hurt.”

Grandma had a stroke on 8/18 and died on 8/27. Needless to say, I don’t remember many of my dreams during this time — which is probably a good thing. I didn’t get much sleep because we were up at the hospital most of the time.

On one weekday night (those nine days pretty much run together at times), I saw the LifeWatch helicopter fly overhead. It was pretty surreal, as was most of the hospital experience at four a.m. When I took a catnap out in the ICU waiting area, I dreamt that the LifeWatch helicopter had rescued two people, but were unable to retract them into the helicopter. So they had to fly around with these people dangling on ropes four hundred feet underneath. The pilot misjudged, and the bodies slammed into the hospital building. They dropped and bounced. I then realized they were just computer animations, so it wasn’t that bad.

Brian H. was living with Kurt Vonnegut. His new “kids” book was about a couple of blow-up dolls. We talked about how he got paid by the word and then he complained about the “fuckin’ Rage against the Machine hippies.” Brian was quite upset that I was chatting with Kurt. Mom adopted a black cat, but a red & white cat and a orange “chalky” cat (don’t ask me–I don’t remember now, I just have a few notes) were fighting. Dad was deleting everything off the computer.

It was one of those crazy dreams.

Priya’s mom came to our old house on Summitlawn. We had a nice chat about how Priya was doing and she was surprisingly nice to me, unlike her daughter. Then she showed me two Hispanic girls standing at the end of the driveway. i had to take them to work.

I dropped the eldest one off, but the youngest one wanted to go to the zoo (she was about 24). But we stopped at some wacky restaurant at Central and Ridge. Jay’s mom was a waitress. Justin Timberlake was eating lunch with Jon and that is quite possibly one of the most disturbing scenes from the dream. Elizabeth was between the doors on the north size with Jim, looking like Ramones groupies.

Then a couple in their forties got up to leave. I noticed the woman had left behind her purse, so I grabbed it to give to her. The man went out the south door and a sniper hit in the middle of the back of his head with an arrow. I knew he wouldn’t make it, so I turned to the woman who was fleeing out the north door.

I got very mad at Matt and John McCain for moving my alarm clock.

It started snowing cotton and I asked McCain if it was okay.

I gave a speech about the school catalog.

I was watching a bunch of cheerleaders. After they finished, I said “Amen” loudly.

At a garage sale, I saw a bunch of Superman T-shirts and tank tops that said “I went to ____ high school and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.”

I went to Kansas City with my dad to help his campaign.

I had lunch with an old Center lady.